When I mention that I'm a Sexologist or Clinical Psychosexual Therapist, it often elicits a cheeky smile or a raised eyebrow, followed by the inevitable question: "What exactly is that?" Thanks to the influence of movies and TV shows, like Greg Focker's mom in Meet The Fockers. Entertaining, yes, but not an accurate portrayal of what I do.
So, what is Sex Therapy? Well, it's not as scandalous or titillating as some might think. At its core, Sex Therapy is akin to any other form of counselling: I delve into the issues someone is facing and employ a variety of therapeutic techniques to tackle those challenges. My approach typically involves asking many questions to grasp the nuances of the situation and how it affects the individual and their partner or partners. We also explore how family dynamics may have influenced their beliefs about sex. This initial exploration often sets the stage for understanding the problem's roots and how to address it effectively.
In terms of strategies, it's a mixed bag, which Social Workers often refer to as an eclectic and holistic approach. There's no one-size-fits-all solution, from reshaping thought patterns to mindfulness exercises, from suggesting new activities to enhancing communication skills, and from challenging entrenched beliefs to working with couples. What works for one person might not work for another, which is why customisation is critical.
But Sex Therapy isn't solely about the act itself; it's about holistic sexual wellbeing. We tackle a myriad of issues that might impede that, such as anxiety, depression, relationship troubles, or past trauma. Sometimes, the sexual problem is just the tip of the iceberg, with deeper underlying issues like anxiety often surfacing. Take premature ejaculation or sexual interest/arousal concerns (SIAD), for example—it's frequently intertwined with anxiety. While we might offer techniques to address premature ejaculation directly or SIAD, the crux of our therapy might revolve around managing and alleviating that anxiety.
What I DON’T DO
No Touch Policy: A sex therapist never engages in any form of physical contact with clients. Boundaries are strictly maintained to ensure a safe and professional environment.
No Spectatorship: A sex therapist does not observe or witness any sexual activities of clients. Therapy sessions are conducted through dialogue, discussion, and exploring thoughts and feelings—not by observing physical intimacy.
No Inappropriate Boundaries: A sex therapist does not blur the lines of professional conduct. They maintain clear and ethical boundaries at all times, prioritising the wellbeing and comfort of the client.
No Judgment: A sex therapist does not judge or shame clients based on their sexual preferences, behaviours, or experiences. Therapy sessions are confidential and free from bias or prejudice.
No Assumptions: A sex therapist does not make assumptions about clients'
Sex Therapy is about fostering understanding, healing, and healthy sexual relationships.
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